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Your go-to resource for non-alcoholic options. 

Vibe Log

Good grief! quit drinking. Congratulations!

Everything is "supposed" to be fantastic now! So...if this is true, then why do you feel like crap?!

Quick answer lies in the grieving process. But, there is definitely more to all of it.

I've read tons about quitting alcohol and a lot of posts from people who have tried and failed many times. One of the most difficult things about giving up this toxic habit is the grief that ensues after the fact. How long it carries on varies depending upon the person and their relationship with alcohol. Grief is a topic that is directly associated, yet rarely discussed. See, when you kill the habit, you actually really kill the habit. It's powerful, fantastic and horrifying at the same time.

I believe this is a huge part of alcohol/addiction that most people don't understand. If you really think about it, alcohol gets a hold of our daily routine. It wedges itself into our lives like an ingrown toenail or a guest who overstays a welcome. At first you don't notice it's there until it becomes a problem. And, it does and it will.

Ahhh...The precious loving "mental moments" we share when building our relationship with alcohol:

  • When am I going to see you? I'm almost out of you so I'll meet you at the store.

  • Where can I find you? I need you to help me fix this problem.

  • Will you be there tonight? I cannot get through this function without you.

  • Where can I hide you this time? I only have a few places that no one has discovered, yet.

  • What would I do without you? You numb all of my pain, temporarily.

I did the "normal" drinking in college. Friday or Saturday night hangs (maybe both) were typical, but I was on a tennis scholarship, so for most of the week I maintained a strict regimen. When I graduated (in what now seems to be a lifetime ago), I worked as a tennis pro at a country club. The thought of day drinking never entered my mind because I was too busy giving lessons. I would only drink during the occasional social functions or maybe have a glass of wine in the evenings at home...but never more than a glass.

Over time, a new relationship, a move to a new city and a career switch began to change my relationship with alcohol. My affinity for it deepened. My first and last abusive relationship at the time involved a lot of it. My usage of it increased with more stress and drinking at work functions. It gradually developed into an alcohol use disorder and a deepening relationship. I wanted to feel numb, to not have to deal with the realities and everyday challenges of life. Alcohol became the "friend" that was always there to help me deal. I just didn't realize then how much I would look to the next drink(s) as a crutch for years to follow. It slowly evolved into a much bigger problem.

Once you assume an alcohol use disorder, your daily relationship with alcohol begins to look something like this:

Wake up, drink. Lunch time, drink. After work function, drink. Dinner, drink. After dinner, drink. Wake up, repeat.

Or, it may look like this (otherwise known as the binge):

Wake up, drink. Drink. Drink. Drink. Pass out. Wake up, repeat. Somewhere in there, a food item might enter your body.

Either one of these scenarios sound familiar? Both?

When you drink alcohol to excess, you give it permission to become a part of your daily thoughts, feelings, actions, emotions - you get the idea. In essence, you literally and unwittingly befriend the shattering shit without realizing you've embarked upon a nightmare relationship.

It's really no different than allowing yourself to enter into/stay in a bad relationship with a human. Alcohol just takes on a different form.

This daily habit allows the relationship we have with alcohol to develop into something deeper and more dangerous over time. You share a lot of time with it. Thinking about it, talking to it, using it. When that strong "relationship" ends, naturally you experience a LOSS, you GRIEVE. Our mind enters a "freedom" zone (for another post) that is not truly valued until/when we allow ourselves to go through this grieving and healing process.

It's okay to feel like crap and to grieve...the important thing is to understand WHY you feel depressed or sad. Perhaps some of this is due to the hormones/body processes changing and evolving from the chemical addiction, detox, or withdrawal symptoms...and this is real. But, saying goodbye for good and LOSING THIS TOXIC "friend"/relationship is a HUGE part of the dreadful, lonely, unexplained, lost emotions. In order to heal properly, you must accept this reality.

So, in the moments you feel depressed or sad, know that it's actually good's just gonna take some time. Stay strong.

Keep going.


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